It is truly amazing what a little sunshine can do. It feels like we have been cold for years, frozen from the inside out, and then there is this one gloriously bright, seventy-one degrees. There is the sound of birds at sunrise, the neighbor’s wind chimes through the window, the smell of grass, a warm car when I get in and I am human again.
Spring is coming. The earth received a good watering with the thick blanket of snow that’s been melting for several days and everything is very fresh. The coldest days are gone for the year and slowly, slowly life around us is warming. The physical transformation of winter to spring is my favorite because of how it speaks to my body and my soul. When I’m warm I feel like it will be okay. I will return to the beach. My skin will be washed with sunlight. We will start spending more time outside than in. We will grill. We will play corn hole.
It’s parallel to my heart. A cold winter keeping us locked up, so many things that have kept our heads down, kept us zipped up, holed up. A wintery time in the heart in tune with the seasons of our latitude and longitude. Yet, the winter in my heart is changing. I see it happening as we move toward new hopes, new capacity, as we approach a new time. I know that my heart doesn’t depend on the tides of the earth, but this time my seasons are in sync with hers.
Jack is eleven months old as of a few days ago. Most people say, “can you believe he’s almost a year old?” And the answer is YES. I can. Sometimes I feel like he has always lived here. Yesterday I rocked him to sleep for his afternoon nap and thought about how it’s likely I’ve rocked him to sleep over six-hundred times. That feels like too many times for one year! Just watching the roundest head with those blue eyelids and thinking about how it feels like many springs ago that we were in the hospital, new to this, just meeting each other. I feel used to little boy, comfortable with him, familiar with his sense of humor, like we are getting along fine in life together, laughing so much. Today we went to the store and he didn’t wear shoes, just propped those marshmallow feet up on the handlebar of the stroller.
He will turn one. He will start to walk in his own time. He’ll say more words and grow out of his sneakers and grow hair. He’s changing too and I’m ready. Ready for spring, then summer. Ready to see the things in store that we can’t even imagine. Ready for experiences. Ready for this warm sunshine to grow us up tall.